Venting

Not so long ago you told me you will always understand and always be with me and that you never wanted to be without me. Not so long ago a man told me that never knew what love is until he met me, this man was taken out of my dreams and now was part of reality, my reality... a reality that was so perfect for me at least.  I had so many people before telling me they understood my depression - bipolar disease and they actually never did BUT they never ever left me alone in the darkest moments... when i needed them the most,  this man who i thought that above all people will understand, that was suppose to show me specially at those dark moments.. when i am not me, when the words that come out of my mouth are not what i meant,  he instead of knowing that i dont mean it.. her retaliates and some times it was so bad... so hurtful i just couldn't understand how you can say something like that to the person you say you love.

Yesterday i was dreaming about you as i do every single night. Even if i had a fight with you or not, i was dreaming that i was over there with you we weren't living together and i was walking and i saw you with another woman.. you were having so much fun.. i had to leave.. i went back to the place i was staying and the anger came over me it was so real, i could actually physically feel it even asleep so i woke up.  I tried calling you several times with no answer...

Today i was suppose to go to work, since i only slept like 3 hours i decided not no. my parents didnt say anything i guess it's because they know deep down that i am not okay.  I am not under any treatment, so it's jst me against what i have. How can someone think it's easy to battle this thing ALONE? people who dont even know me have shown much more support to me that the man that claims that loves me.

All of them help, but the only one that matters to me is him. Even with the distance between us, i use to feel you so close to me, now the only thing i do is watch how we drift apart.

8 meses juntos

Mi amor: En Noviembre del 2007 te mande un email, y jamas me imagine ni en un millon de anos que ese mail cambiaria mi vida para siempre, que ese email se iba a encargar de que conociera al hombre de mis suenos. Y a veces nos encontrabamos de vez en cuando para chatear, me decias que dias tenias libres y a que hora te ibas a conectar y chateabamos un par de horas y eso era todo. Nos mandabamos mensajes al Myspace hasta que en Octubre del ano pasado por fin tuve internet en mi casa y desde el primer dia hasta hoy no lo hemos dejado de hacer si no porque saliamos con nuestros respectivos amigos.

Como te dije antes yo jamas crei en el amor por internet, me parecia increible que haya gente que se enamore de alguien a quien no han visto en sus vidas, y ahora nosotros formamos parte de las personas a las que la tecnologia ha ayudado de una manera insospechada. Me enamore de ti como jamas lo he hecho antes, y te voy a amar hasta el fin de mis dias.

En 3 meses y medio si todo sale como lo planeamos estare en Las Vegas y comenzaremos esa vida juntos de la que tanto hablamos y al pasar de los dias se acerca cada vez mas. El pensar que te voy a tener frente a mi, que te voy a abarzar, que te voy a besar por fin, despues de tanta espera. si me quedo parada con cara de monga solo piensa que estoy en shock.

Te amo mi vida, eres simplemente lo maximo, eres mi chanchito hermoso, precioso, bello de mi alma y no voy a descansar hasta estar contigo.

Happy 8th month anniversary honey, i know we have many more to come and the best part is that if i get there by January we'll spend our first year anniversary together!!

Love you baby with all my heart.

Puchie

Hello there

As you may already know, the reason this blog was created was to submit thoughts about the relationship we have, meaning Puchie (Claudia Saco) and me, Rafael Kajatt. In my last entry I explained how this relationship began. Now am going to write about the progress of our relationship. How I feel about this relationship and to express my thoughts.

It's the first day of the month of August. In 4 more days I would have been in my first romantic relationship for 6 months with this wonderful woman that I am so crazy for. I still remember how we became official. Just to give you a recap of how this relationship started, it all began when Claudia got internet access in her house in Oct 08. That's when we started chatting on a daily basis and things started to get more serious. By the time December came along. I had some pretty strong feelings for this woman, and when new year's eve came along. My poor baby couldn't go out and party because she was feeling sick. I had made some vague plans to go out to downtown Las Vegas. But after Claudia telling me that she wasn't going to go out due to her condition, I decided to stay home and keep her company. My dad had no plans either and also stayed home, giving me yet another reason to stay home too. My feelings for Claudia at this time were new, exciting, fantastic, and any other adjective you can think of to describe greatness. So staying home "with her" was an easy decision to make.

Even though we're celebrating 6 months together. In reality, it's been more like 8 months together. It's been 8 months that we developed this great love for each other. It's been 8 months that my life had forever changed. It's been 8 months now that I have with me all the love a man could have. This woman attracts me more than anyone has ever done before. Something about her smile that just fills up the room with joy and brilliance. She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, those piercing eyes, and her heart that's filled with love and joy. I feel as if she's copy and pasted this great passion that she has full of love and transfered it to me. When am feeling blue, all I have to do is think of her and just like a magic spell, I feel a lot better. All I want is her. I am going to love and care for this amazing woman for the rest of my life.

I still remember when we became official. Well, when we decided to change our label from being "just friends" to "boyfriend/girlfriend". which for me, the label is not what's important. The important thing for me is the love that we have for each other, and that love began more than 6 months ago. and what's more, this amazing woman is not only my girlfriend, but she's still also my best friend now. Because our relationship started out as friendship. What I feel for this woman is more than words can describe.

On the 5th of every month we're going to celebrate and remember the day we became boyfriend and girlfriend. But, what happened back in Dec is the reason why we are now celebrating 6 months of happiness, joy, love and passion.

Baby puchie. you have no idea how much you mean to me. I wanna love you and take care of you for as long as I live. Te amo mi vida, mi cielo, mi amor. mi puchicita preciosa. Te amo.

The Beginning

November of 07, shortly after thanksgiving. In Hollywood. I had returned from Las Vegas to visit my parents for the holyday. I open my email and I find message from my aunt's best friend. Claudia Saco. It was a very formal email, introducing herself, very friendly and polite. I find her social networking sites and we begin to exchange very formal messages. As time when on, and as we start getting to know each other a little better, the messages became more often and friendlier.

Shortly after we started exchanging messages, something inside me felt different. It was as if it was a signal, something sparked inside me and told me that this woman was well worth getting to know. She later would forever change my perception of love. because before I met this wonderful woman, I didn't have one. I went 26 years of my life without having any reference when other spoke of love. Never really had a girlfriend, never wanted one either. Claudia was the first woman I have ever known to show me what it was like to be in love. She gave me all of hers.

The way we got to this point is very inocent and pure. We didn't realize we were falling in love. We were. We would talk about everything, from Machiavelli's political philosophy, to the meaning of her tattoos. It took me a while to realize what was going on. In the time that we have known each other so far, we've been through a lot. Shared so much of each other. and we're growing closer and closer together as time went by.

Now I love this woman more than I ever knew it was possible. The day we finally meet is going to be the single most wonderful day of my life.

I will continue to submit our progress on our relationship, because I know it's only going to get better from now on.

Happy 5th month anniversary

Myspace Lover Letter

Solo algo mas para dejarte saber cuanto te amo mi vida!

Fighting?

Quien no se ha peleado con el objeto de su afecto de vez en cuando, de cuando en vez? Obvio que sucede ya que ninguna relación es perfecta pero que pasa cuando las peleas son a larga distancia? Eso mismo me pasa a mi y es aun mas difícil aunque parezca mentira, sobre todo que no puedes hacer la típica volteada de cara, o tirar la puerta o hacer mas cosas para la persona que esta contigo note tu obvio disgusto. Pero eso te fuerza a hablar de los errores cometidos y buscar una solución a los problemas y esperar que no se vuelvan a cometer.

Antes en relaciones pasadas no tenia la paciencia de explicar mi enojo, simplemente esperaba que me pidieran disculpas y bueno los hacia sufrir un poco para que aprendan.. ahora si me doy el trabajo de hacerlo, hablar y explicar de mil maneras diferentes que es lo que me moleste y también el porque. Tratar de que Piggy se de cuenta del error y entienda que lo que hizo, dejo de hacer o dijo o dejo de decir me afecta. Y obviamente si me afecta es porque lo amo y si me doy el trabajo de explicar las cosas es porque esta relación es de los dos y de nadie mas.. Es una experiencia que compartimos juntos en la cual aprendemos no solamente a conocernos mejor si no a demostrar de diferentes formas dentro de la licitación que es la distancia física entre ambos.

Esta experiencia, este amor, esta relación puede ser la mejor de nuestras vidas si nosotros nos lo proponemos y si trabajamos juntos para ello. Para hacernos sentir mutuamente que tan importantes somos el uno para el otro, que el amor que nos sentimos es inmenso y lo es porque si no no tendríamos 5 meses de enamorados, porque si no simplemente no quisieramos pasar el resto de nuestras vidas juntos. Estar en una relacion de por si es difícil ya que son dos personas con ideas, opiniones y caracteres diferentes, pero tenerla a larga distancia lo hace mas difícil aun, creanme. Pero el hecho de que sea mas difícil no quiere decir que hasta este momento no sea la mejor relación en la que he estado.

Si nos peleamos, no voy a negarlo pero tratamos con todas nuestras ganas de mejorar... De ser mejores para nosotros mismos y para el otro, Este hombre es honestamente el amor de mi vida y todo comienzo en el 2007 cuando comenzamos a chatear y a mandarnos mensajes por Myspace y son el tiempo nos enamoramos. Ninguna discusión o pelea puede hacer que lo ame menos, porque se que trata de mejorar no digo que siempre lo haga porque entiendo que el es humano y también comete errores y se que yo en lo personal soy difícil y el a veces me tiene mucha paciencia. Pero lo que hace que querramos mejorar, lo que hace que todas las peleas y discusiones no sean mas que un mal recuerdo es que lo principal de todo esto es que queremos estar juntos y eso hace que busquemos soluciones a los problemas porque cuando hay ganas todo se puede.

Te amo Piggy, no hay peleas o discusiones que puedan hacer que te ame menos. Lo único que yo quiero es estar contigo y se que ese día esta cada vez mas cerca, ese día, cuando te vea sera el momento mas feliz de mi vida.

Bueno

Yo tengo a mi piggy en USA, y fuera de que usamos skype, google talk, y yahoo con el cual le puedo mandar mensajes de texto a su cel sin ningun costo, si usabamos el telefono para hablar cuando el esta chambeando... PERO el me teni que llamar a un telefono fijo porque tenia mas minutos en la tarjeta si me llamaba a un fijo que a un celular.

Dias antes lei en uno de estos anuncios que publica gmail justo en la parte superior de la bandeja de entrada una pag web en la que te decia que podias llamar gratis a USA, despues de inscribirme recien ayer comence a usarla con mi amado. Como es? Bueno al momento de inscribirte te dan un numero de telefono y uno tiene la posibilidad de escoger el codigo de area, yo en lo personal al no estar segura sin querer escogi uno que comienza con 201 que es coincidentemente de New Jersey (que ahi vive una de mis hermanas) bueno despues de que uno ya tiene su numero de telefono listo puede hacer llamadas a USA, pero solo de un minuto, asi como para decir llamame a este numero ahora, y que te devuelvan la llamada y ahi mandarte el rollo de como diablos conseguiste un numero de alla.

Bueno ahora puedo usar este numero con mi amado y es mas si no estas logueado te pueden dejar mensajes de voz :) y este seervicio como repito es gratuito! lo que a mi me parece genial ya que me ayuda a estar mas comunicada con mi amado y hace las cosas un poco mas faciles y tambien economicas! :)

Lo comparto para que igual que yo no se hagan tantas bolas con las comunicaciones! y claro yo lo uso con mi amado pero quien sabe algun o de ustedes puede tener un familiar o amigo con el que quieran comunicarse y esta es una forma genial de hacerlo! Mantenerse comunicado a pasar de la distancia y si a mi me sirve seguro en algun momento a uds. tambien!


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