Venting

Not so long ago you told me you will always understand and always be with me and that you never wanted to be without me. Not so long ago a man told me that never knew what love is until he met me, this man was taken out of my dreams and now was part of reality, my reality... a reality that was so perfect for me at least.  I had so many people before telling me they understood my depression - bipolar disease and they actually never did BUT they never ever left me alone in the darkest moments... when i needed them the most,  this man who i thought that above all people will understand, that was suppose to show me specially at those dark moments.. when i am not me, when the words that come out of my mouth are not what i meant,  he instead of knowing that i dont mean it.. her retaliates and some times it was so bad... so hurtful i just couldn't understand how you can say something like that to the person you say you love.

Yesterday i was dreaming about you as i do every single night. Even if i had a fight with you or not, i was dreaming that i was over there with you we weren't living together and i was walking and i saw you with another woman.. you were having so much fun.. i had to leave.. i went back to the place i was staying and the anger came over me it was so real, i could actually physically feel it even asleep so i woke up.  I tried calling you several times with no answer...

Today i was suppose to go to work, since i only slept like 3 hours i decided not no. my parents didnt say anything i guess it's because they know deep down that i am not okay.  I am not under any treatment, so it's jst me against what i have. How can someone think it's easy to battle this thing ALONE? people who dont even know me have shown much more support to me that the man that claims that loves me.

All of them help, but the only one that matters to me is him. Even with the distance between us, i use to feel you so close to me, now the only thing i do is watch how we drift apart.